Renungan Mata Terakhir

I don't know which category should I put for this story..Ade kena mengena wif my life and also it is a story..I just witness something very sad yesterday. Cube bayangkan..saya seorang suami..sudah lama saya menghidapi "Parkinson". I cannot think well, my hands are shaking vigorously. And all I have in this world is 3 wonderful children all grown up. Of course my truely loving wife.

The wife took care of me. Feed me. Solat jemaah bersama-sama. Setiap kali lepas solat aku toleh ke belakang dan my wife will take my hand salam and kiss it. I will then ampunkan segala dosa-dosa my wife towards me with a gentle kiss on the forehead.

I tell you this..I love my wife very much. She is the power inside me to survive this long sickness which I will face till I die. I cannot think anymore reason to let live this moment if she is not around. But that's the fact of life. The one you love will not always be by your side forever.

She was diagnose with a Servics Cancer early this year. I could tell she is fighting it. I cannot feel the pain of my right knee because she was with me that day. I always wanted to say.."Sayang, saya sayang kamu dari mula kita berjumpa sehingga akhir hayat saya nanti. Waktu kita bersama sebagai suami isteri ni..Saya mengampunkan segala dosa-dosa awak terhadap saya. Saya tahu saya bukan orang yang senang untuk awak jaga."

But I cant..Nothing I said make that too much sense since I had this desease. She understands me alright..but my vocal cords are not perfect now. Setiap kali suara keluar. Aku gagap. Aku harap dia paham apa aku nak cube katakan. Everytime she looks at me with the eyes of hers makes me fall in love again. Oh how memories how we met kept flashing back.

We met years ago at the teachers training academy. Both of us are still in our teen. I saw her in my training classroom. She wore a green and white baju kurung. The scarf on her head was green. That was the first time I fell in love with her.

Now I saw her tears fall on her cheeks. She glance away from me. She spoon fed me each time with tears. I saw that in her eyes that she is scared. Scared of what?What is she so scared for? I scream for her. Don't worry I am here to Love and Cherish you forever. But nothing..nothing came out.

She is getting paler and thinner everyday..ohh how much I love her. I don't care how you look like, how you lose or gain...All I cared for in the world is just you Sayang. I was turning into a living corpse too. I was thin, really thin. I don't have the energy to lift things. Even walk for a long time. My greatest distance to walk this days only 5 meters from where I sit.

Everyday this wonderful wife of mine gave me bath. She stripped me then cover me with a towel. Hold my hand and kissed me on the cheeks everytime she took me untuk mandi. She shampood my hair (which by now is getting greyer than ever, thinner and going bald). She soaped me and make sure I am clean and sparkled. How I love her everyday. She is my soul. After the bath I smiled at her..she return back a long lovable smile.

Today I was in the hospital, I never thought this day would come before me. There she was, my Sayang lying on her hospital bed with oxygen gas on her face. Her eyes was wide open. She can't even say a word now. I hold her hands and she squeezed it tight. Tears were falling of her cheeks and mine. Sayang...I forgive you for all your sins May Allah forgive you too. You are a wonderful wife, a gentle caring mother, a nice friend, a good person.

Al-Fatihah, I recite in my heart because no words could came out. My son was calling the nurses. The dauhgters are crying, I wished on that day I could talk to them and say "Your mak is in a better place now. She is resting. Semoga Allah redha dengan your Mak." Afterwards they took the body away. Saya menunggu di luar bilik persediaan mayat. "Pakcik silakan masuk." kata pengurus jenazah itu.

Satu jasad yang terbujur di atas pembaringan, diselimutkan dengan kain putih. Alhamdulillah indah sungguh wajah isteriku. Berseri wajahnya, senyum kelihatan dibibirnya. Semoga Sayang sekarang bersama roh-roh orang-orang yang beriman.

Jam sekarang pukul 4pm. Ramai saudara-mara dan sahabat handai sudah datang menziarah. Bacaan Yasin bergema diseluruh kawasan rumah. Para jiran menghampiri, sabar ye, ini semua dugaan, takziah kami sekeluarga ucapkan. Semoga Allah memberi rahmat kepada tetamu yang hadir.

"Jenazah akan dibawa ke masjid untuk solat jenazah dan seterusnya ke tanah perkuburan dan sesiapa yang ingin melihat wajah Allahyarham untuk kali terakhir silakan. Dimulakan dengan anak-anak."said my son.

I was sitting by the door close to the body. I looked at her...my son came to me. "Abah, nak nengok mak tak? Let me help you." my son said. "Abah tak larat (sambil air mata berlinang deras di pipi). Biar abah duduk." Semua hadirin hadir mengucapkan selamat tinggal. Air mata mereka bercurahan. Tak kurang pula mendengar suara sedu sedan dari arah mereka yang hadir.

"I stood up with every strength I had. I walk towards my Sayang. My eyes are filled with tears. After 2 steps, I fell. My son helped me to stand again. I was devastated. I was too in love with her untill I felt today I will follow her to the next life. I reached her."

"I saw her face. She looks like the first day I met her. Only her eyes are closed. I saw her smile, her calm face and smile is like the first time we went out together. Then I kissed her on the right cheek, she reminds me the first kissed I gave after our akad. I kissed her on the left cheek. It reminds me of the first kissed during our first big fight. I calm her with the kiss. Then I kissed her on the forehead."

I remember, everyday I woke up I kissed her on the forehead. When I left for work, again I kissed her on the forehead. I return from worked, she used to be waiting for me at the door holding a tray of warm tea. I kissed her on the forehead. After each and every jemaah prayers I kissed her on the forehead and said "Saya maafkan dosa-dosa awak sebagai seorang isteri terhadap suami.". My tears almost hit her face. What a peaceful looking wife of mine. Dead. My Sayang is leaving me forever. Oh the love of my life. You deserve to be a wonderful person. and how I wished I was the one on that death bed and not you my Sayang.

I love you forever and always...Bye Sayang...We shall meet again in Paradise...